“This is typical Tory Toff Icelandic Bjork volcano shenanigans” he said. “You can’t have people letting volcanistic rocks spewing out ash what covers and planes stop flying all willy nilly” he added.
Carrying on without drawing he breath he went into more detail:
“As a working class man, from Hull, that’s up North, I can have ash stopping my first class flights all over the world lecturing on climate thingy. Who will save the world now?”
“I mean, Gordon’s done it once and a fine Prime Minister he is too, not like that Tory Thatcher – her from Eton playing fields and never done a days work in her life. Not like me. Have I mentioned I’m working class?”
He also said that he’d need to get his second home cleaned due to the fallout from the ash.
“It’s nothing grand like these Tories inhabit. It’s just a normal 8 bedroom house in a nice area in Hull. Great company that’s doing it – D Prescott Exterior Cleaning. No relation. Yes he’s my son but like I was discussing with Tony Benn’s son Hilary and his granddaughter Emily, Jack Straw’s son Will and Philip Gould’s daughter Georgia, this isn’t one of those nasty Tory nepotism things you hear about you know”.
“Reckons it will be about £5,000 but if I don’t the mock Tudor beams will be covered in grey ash type stuff. And anyway, I’ll be putting all the receipts in”.
“Now, where’s that pork pie….”